Finding a True Little -- (Author) Leilana

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Author: Leilana
Timestamp: Apr 18, 2020 at 11:16 AM
Content: Hi, I love fantasizing about meeting an actual adult baby or a little in real life by a coincidence - without knowing this about them at first. I recently made up this story and thought I would share it with you - hopefully it will bring you some joy. So far I have three chapters prepared, so if you like the story, please let me know and I can post more.
Please excuse any grammar mistakes - english is my second language.

Chapter 1: The Lego Guy

I was on my way to a bouldering gym (Boulder = kind of rock climbing where you don’t climb too high and therefore don’t need a rope or any other kind of protection. You fall on a mat. It kind of makes me feel like a kid on a playground when I do bouldering, so I would really recommend it to all the Littles.) and I was passing a toy shop. Since I was going bouldering alone and had time to spare, I decided to go in. I’ve been meaning to check out this logical game for my kids at school (I’m a teacher). Not that I need a reason to want to go to a toy shop anyway.

The section with board games was right next to a Lego section. I noticed a guy my age checking out the Lego boxes. “That’s kind of cute,” I thought. “I wonder if he’s picking it for a kid or for himself.” Suddenly he pushed one of the boxes with his shoulder and it started falling down. I caught it before it hit the ground. “Thank you,” he said. “You’re welcome,” I smiled at him. But he looked away and didn’t seem to be interested in talking to me, so I left him alone. I couldn’t find the game I was looking for, so I just checked the shop a little bit and then left.

At the bouldering gym, I was just warming up, when I noticed someone familiar putting his climbing shoes on a few meters away from me. It took a second before I realized it’s the Lego guy. He looked at me as well and we made eye contact. At that point I’ve been looking at him for a little too long to just casually look away, so I decided to start a conversation instead. I went closer to him and said: “Hi, I think we just met a while ago in the toy shop in the Lego section! Did you manage to find what you were looking for?” I was smiling at him, trying to be friendly, but he just said: “Yeah,…” and looked away. “Ehm, ok,…” I turned away and decided to leave him alone, since he clearly just wanted me to mind my own business.

But then this other guy – clearly more talkative than the Lego guy – came to me and cheerfully said: “Don’t mind him. He’s just shy. I think he’s ashamed because he bought that Lego for himself.” He smiled ear to ear, but his friend’s face turned red. “Aww, there’s no reason to be shy!” I said. “It’s cute!”

I was horrified, when Mark said it was for me. I felt so embarrassed and wanted to kill him. What the hell is this girl gonna think about it? But her response was the last thing I expected to hear – she thought it was cute? I got embarrassed even more, but at the same time… It felt kind of nice…

“See, Jay? I told you it’s ok!” The Lego guy turned even more red and just stared at his hands in his lap. That made him look so adorable, but I didn’t want to say anything that would make him feel even more uncomfortable. I kept chatting with the outgoing guy – he introduced himself as Mark – and then left to go climbing.

After like half an hour of climbing, I ran into Jay (the Lego guy) again. He was trying to climb some boulder problem I already managed to climb, but clearly he couldn’t figure it out. “Do you want some help with that?” I smiled at him. “Ok” he managed to smile at me too. I gave him a little advice and with that he was able to do it. “Good job!” I said. He jumped down, smiling, and with the cutest shy expression in his face said “Thank you.” His cuteness weirdly made me want to pinch his cheeks and hug him until he couldn’t breathe. Instead I smiled at him and said: “Sure, I’m glad I could help.”

When she gave me advice she said it in a way that made me feel like a little kid, but in a good way. And then I did it! I was so happy, and when she said “Good job”, I felt like a child whose teacher is proud of them. I immediately wanted to impress her again, just to hear those words from her again.

For the rest of my bouldering session, me, Jay and Mark climbed together and gave each other advice. Clearly, Mark was the most experienced, while Jay was just a beginner. I was somewhere in the middle, so I could ask Mark for advice on some harder boulder problems and give advice to Jay on the easier ones. It was very helpful for me to learn from Mark, but even more than that, I enjoyed helping Jay. He really must have been just shy before, not rude, because now he seemed really friendly. And whenever I praised him for climbing some boulder, he smiled so brightly I was dying to hug him. But I really didn’t think it was appropriate to hug a person I just met and I also didn’t want to make him feel weird since he was so shy.

We’ve climbed for a pretty long time together, but eventually I got tired and had to go home. I said goodbye to the guys and left.

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Author: Leilana
Timestamp: May 8, 2020 at 9:23 PM
Content: Chapter 2: Like a kid impressing a teacher

I went to the same bouldering gym a few times after that, primarily because I wanted to climb, but I was also secretly hoping I would run into Mark and Jay again. For a while I didn’t see them there, but after about 3 weeks, I went and there they were. This time I didn’t go alone, I went with my friend Tom. I got way more excited about seeing Mark and Jay then I expected. I pushed down a happy grin and with a casual smile I went to them to introduce them to Tom.

When Jay noticed me, he smiled from ear to ear. Before that I thought that maybe I exaggerated his cuteness in my mind over time. But no, seeing him smile like that, he was just as adorable as I remembered, if not a little bit more.

The guys started chatting and then we all climbed together. Mark and Tom were at about the same level at climbing, which was perfect. And it gave me a little bit more opportunity to spend time with Jay.

It was actually pretty perfect that I ran into Jay when going climbing with Tom. Tom is not a Little, sadly none of my friends are, probably. But he knows me well enough to know what it does to me when somebody is being cute. And he really likes to sometimes provoke me, to make me have “my reaction”. Not that I mind it, really. So now I was really hoping he’d act like a child on purpose and Jay would see it and it would make him feel that it’s ok to act like that. Because that’s what usually happens, so maybe it would work this time as well… Man, I wished it would.

Luckily, Tom didn’t disappoint me. After trying one boulder problem for multiple times and failing at it, he made a sad face and in a childish voice said to me: “I can’t do it, I’m just too weak. And fat.” And, of course, I immediately had to console him. I stroked his hair and said: “Awww, it’s ok. You’re not fat! You’re just having a bad day. It’ll be better, you’ll see.” While consoling Tom, I was checking if Jay saw it. “Did he see it? Oh, it seems like he did! Now please feel free to be cute, you have such a perfect cute face for it!” I thought.

I noticed how she talked to Tom and how she stroked his hair and it made me jealous and sad. Last time she was paying all her attention to me. But what if I’m actually not cute enough? What if this guy is cuter and she’ll just be nice to him now and forget about me? I knew it was a total nonsense what I was thinking and feeling. Why the hell am I jealous? I’m and adult and don’t need someone to praise me. But it felt so nice when she did…

Jay looked away. Did he think it was weird? Damn… Ok, let’s just keep talking about climbing and forget this ever happened. “So, Jay, what boulder are you gonna do now?” “I don’t know, I think I already climbed all the easier ones.” “Well, then maybe you should try something harder! I really think you could do it.” “You think?” “Yeah! Don’t underestimated yourself! What about this one?” I smiled at him and showed him a problem that was just a grade harder then what he had already climbed before. I thought it would suit his style and a success would give him confidence. “I don’t know… I guess I could try.”

He tried it a few times and always failed at the same point. His face turned so sad and said: “I don’t think I’m good enough to do in.” He looked at me and then looked down at his feet. He was so adorable and sad and I wanted to hold him forever. I just needed to do something because all the emotions were about to burst out of me. I knew a hug was probably a little too much, so at least I stroked his shoulder lightly and said in a (probably way too sweet) consoling voice: “Aww, it’s ok! You just need to keep trying, I’m sure you can do it! Let me show you how, alright?”

I was really sad when I couldn’t do that boulder, because I feared she wouldn’t praise me anymore. But then she actually consoled me! It felt so good! I had an inexplicable need to hug her tight. “Ok, now you’re really getting crazy” I thought. But I just couldn’t stop smiling.

“Ok,” he said with the cutest little shy smile. It was so cute it physically hurt me. I got up and showed him what he needs to do to finish that boulder problem. After a few more attempts and some more advice he finally did it. “Nice! Good job! See? You really are good!” “I don’t know about that… But it’s all thanks to you! Thank you.” He smiled and blushed. “God, I have to at least stroke your hair a little or I’m gonna die.” I thought. I couldn’t help myself, so I just very gently stroked his hair, hoping it wouldn’t make him uncomfortable. “You’re very welcome.” He looked me in the eyes and smiled.

As the end of our climbing session was nearing, I knew I had to stay in touch with these guys. I just had to know when I’ll see Jay again, no matter how weird it was. Thankfully, Mark was faster. “So, do you guys come here often?” “Yeah, I go pretty regularly.” I said. “Cool, wanna climb together again sometime?” “Sure! How can I find you on facebook? I could let you know when I’m planning to go.” We all exchanged contacts and then said goodbye and left. For a long time after that I kept replaying all the cute moments with Jay. I couldn’t wait to see him again.

Note: I like to go slow with the story to keep it beliavable, but in the next chapter (if you're interested in reading it, I'll post it soon) we'll get more into the little space then we did so far.

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Author: Leilana
Timestamp: May 15, 2020 at 10:18 PM
Content: Chapter 3: Mr. Bunny

About a week later Tom texted me and said if I wanted to go bouldering with him and his friend. “Sure,” I texted him back. “Maybe I could ask Mark and Jay if they’d like to join us? Last time they said we should let them know if we go bouldering.” “Yeah, why not!”

I texted Jay and tried really hard to make it sound casual, but there was nothing casual about writing and re-writing that message five times before sending it and then staring at my phone before he answered. Luckily he answered quickly. And he agreed! “Oh, thank god! I’d be so sad if he didn’t,” I thought.

We all met at the bouldering gym and climbed together. As always, Jay was super cute and I was super dying to hug him. He was improving fast and I enjoyed praising him and giving him advice, so much so I didn’t even focus on my own climbing. He seemed cool with me stroking his hair whenever he did well, so I kept doing it.

I guess I wasn’t really paying attention to Tom enough, because at some point he said: “Hey, I did a good job as well! And you didn’t even see it!” in a very cute, child-like voice. “Aw, I’m sorry sweetie, I’ll watch you now, go ahead.” For the rest of the climbing session I kept supporting both Tom and Jay and I think they started competing with each other for my attention, which was so adorable!

We were all about to leave when Tom suggested we’d all go grab a beer together. I said “Sure.” in the most casual voice I could manage while praying that Jay would agree as well. Luckily he did. We all went to our favorite pub and sat around a table. I sat next to Jay and tried to make it look like I didn’t actually intend that.

As the evening went on, we were having a lot of fun and getting more and more drunk. Finally we hit that level of alcohol where people are willing to answer weird questions – that’s my favorite part. I decided to start of easy and ask an innocent question – that I actually really wanted to hear the answers to: “How many of you used to sleep with a stuffed animal?” Surprisingly every one of them said they did. “Aww, so how old were you when you stopped?” “I think I was like 5 or 6,” said Tom. His friend had a similar answer. Mark said: “I think I only had a stuffed animal when I was a baby. I mean there are pictures of me as a baby sleeping with a teddy bear, but I do not remember it at all.” “Aww, that’s cute! And how about you, Jay?” I asked. “I don’t know,” he answered and didn’t seem comfortable talking about it any longer, so I changed the topic.

After a while Tom, his friend and Mark got into a discussion about climbing and Jay and I weren’t really participating. I couldn’t get the image of little Jay sleeping with his plushie out of my mind and needed more information. I turned to him and asked: “So, what kind of a stuffed animal did you have?” “It’s a white bunny. I actually still have it. I’m sorry for lying before, I didn’t want the guys to make fun of me.” His face turned red but he was smiling. I was too drunk and overwhelmed with his cuteness and without thinking it through I asked: “Awwww, can I hug you please? You’re too cute and I just have to hug you!”

As I was getting more drunk I got less and less careful. This girl was making me feel so safe and comfortable I really didn’t mind opening up to her, even about the childish stuff. When she asked about the stuffed animals the first time I wanted to be honest, but everybody else gave up their plushie long time ago, I felt it would be odd to admit I still need mine to fall asleep. But when she asked me again while they were distracted I felt weirdly comfortable sharing everything about it with her. Maybe I was just a little bit worried she’d make fun of me after I said I still have mine, but instead she said I was cute and wanted to hug me! Yeah, of course you can hug me! Please hug me!

He smiled and nodded. I hugged him tight and enjoyed every split of a second of it. It felt so right! Finally I let him go, but now that I knew he was ok talking about it I couldn’t stop myself from asking more questions. “Did you have it since you were a little boy?” “Actually, no,” he answered. “My first girlfriend gave it to me. I think she regretted it later,” he giggled. “Why?” I laughed as well. “Well, ever since she gave him to me I’d never go to sleep without him. I mean of course I hugged HER when she wanted to cuddle… But Mr. Bunny had to be put to bed as well.” “Oh my god, that’s so adorable!” “I don’t know, it’s pretty unpractical sometimes.” “Why?” His face turned red again. “Well, I can’t fall asleep without him, so I have to bring him with wherever I go… And it can be embarrassing. I mean, my friends know now. Mark here knows. And they’re ok with that, although they sometimes joke about it a little bit, but in a friendly way. But I worry some people could make fun of me.” I didn’t even realize until then that I was saying “Awww” and stroking his shoulder the whole time. “Oh, I’m sorry about this,” I said and put my hand away from his shoulder. “You’re so cute I can’t help myself.” “I don’t mind,” he said with a cute shy smile.

Her attitude made me talk and talk. “Damn, I’m gonna hate myself for talking so much tomorrow.” But I couldn’t stop. She was making me feel so warm and safe inside and I wanted her to think I was cute forever and ever.

“Oh, that’s how you make a girl like you! You just need to say cute stuff!” Tom’s friend said. I laughed. “Well, I don’t know about other girls, but it works on me!” For the rest of the night we all chatted together and all the guys were trying to be cute on purpose to see who’d be the cutest. I really enjoyed that. But for me, Jay was definitely the winner.
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Next chapter is gonna be a longer one, so let me know if I should post it or not. But we will get deeper in that one.

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Author: Leilana
Timestamp: May 29, 2020 at 12:32 PM
Content: I'm not sure if people are interested in reading more of this story, but since I pre-prepaired the next chapter I decided to post it anyway. If there's no more interest in continuing, then this might be the last chapter.

Chapter 4: Mommy to the rescue

It was the middle of spring and the weather was getting better and better. It was time to go climb outside. And of course, I was gonna use any excuse to see Jay again, so when Tom suggested that we go rock climb outside for the weekend I had to suggest inviting Mark and Jay as well. Thankfully Tom agreed.

I opened my Messanger and texted Jay: “Hi, do you wanna go rock climb outside this weekend with us?” His response came quickly. “Hmm, I don’t know, I never climbed outside…” I was more disappointed than I thought I would be. “I mean, it’s up to you. But climbing outside is more fun than inside! You should try it.” For what felt like forever but was actually probably just about 20 second he was quiet. Finally his response came: “Ok. J” Yes!! YES!!

I really wasn’t sure whether I should go, climbing outside was new to me, I don’t really like trying new stuff… But she’d be there! I would get to see her again. Ok, it’s worth it. I will go with them. I hope I don’t die.

Saturday morning we picked up Jay in front of his house. I looked at his backpack and wandered whether he brought Mr. Bunny with him. He probably did, we will stay the night and he said he can’t fall asleep without him.

I was sitting in the back seat of Tom’s car. Mark decided to sit next to Tom to help him navigate. Jay sat next to me. It was a pretty long ride so of course we were all chatting. Jay seemed to be a little nervous about rock climbing, so I decided to learn more about his climbing experience. “So, did you ever rope climb? Or did you just do boulder?” “I climbed a few times on a climbing wall indoors, but mostly top rope. I have a small fear of heights I think. So I tried lead climbing* once, but got really scared in the middle of the wall. I couldn’t go up or down, all I could do was call for my mommy to rescue me,” he said while laughing. He was clearly joking, but I immediately started picturing him being scared and calling for mommy and that image was so cute I had to hug him. “Awwww, poor thing! Well, you don’t have to lead climb if you don’t want to. It’s totally fine if you just climb on a top rope.”

If she only knew I actually wasn’t joking. I mean I didn’t say it out loud, but in that moment when I was so scared I was thinking exactly that.

We got to the rock and started climbing. One of the boys lead climbed one of the easier routes for us, who don’t want to lead climb. I climbed the route on a top rope first. It was pretty easy. I was sure Jay could do it.

Then it was Jay’s turn. He seemed nervous but excited to try it. My friend was belaying him and I was cheering him up the whole time. He did such a good job! He finished the route in no time. “You did amazing, Jay!” I shouted. For a second he seemed happy. But then we hit a problem.

At the top of the route you could stand on a ledge. Which is pretty comfortable. But when your belayer** wants to lower you to the ground, you have to leave the ledge and get over the edge of it. It can feel pretty scary. Well, it clearly wasn’t something Jay was prepared for.

At first we were all trying to explain how he should just sit in the rope and put his feet against the rock. But whenever he got close to the edge, he freaked out and went back. It took a few minutes and it was getting clear he was panicking up there. “Honey, it’s ok, just hold onto your end of the rope. Once you get over the edge, it will get so much easier!” I tried to help him. “I know, but I just can’t do it!” he shouted. You could just hear how desperate he was. The mommy instincts in me kicked in. I had to save my baby.

“Belay me,” I said to one of my friends who was standing there, looking at Jay, trying to figure out how to help him. “I will climb up to him and help him switch so he can lower himself down. I think it will be easier for him if he knows he has control.”

“I’m coming to you, Jay, hang on!” I climbed up as quickly as I could. When I got to him, I could see he was actually about to start crying. His chin was shivering and he had tears in his eyes. Poor baby!

I was freaking out. I wanted to get down so much, but my fear just wouldn’t let me get over the edge. When she told me she’s gonna come to me I was pretty embarrassed that I needed to be rescued. But at the same time I couldn’t wish for anyone better to save me. Mommy is coming this time! She’s actually gonna save me! I mean of course I knew she wasn’t actually my mommy, but to me, it felt like it. And it felt good.

“Ok, we’ll get you down now, alright?” I started explaining to him how to switch so that he can lower himself down, but he had a blank expression in his face and all he said was: “What?” At that moment I realized he was too panicked to be able to comprehend my instructions. I had to calm him down first.

I clipped myself to the same point where he was clipped so that I’d be closer to him. I was trying to figure out how to calm him down, but when I got closer to him, I saw that he was shivering. A single tear went down his cheek. Yet again, my mommy instincts kicked in and were so overwhelming my rational thinking went out the window. “Come here.” I said and hugged him tight while stroking his hair. “It’s gonna be ok. I’ll help you get down. It’s ok. Don’t worry. Deep breaths.” He hugged me back so tight I almost couldn’t breathe. It made it so obvious how much he was scared.

I was trying hard not to cry. But when mommy got closer to me the emotions got overwhelming. I couldn’t stop my tears from going down my cheeks. I felt so embarrassed, because now she could clearly see what a cry-baby I was. I thought she’d be disgusted be me, but instead… she hugged me. I immediately felt better. Warmth was spreading through my chest. I was little. And she was big. She was there. She was gonna save me.

Hugging him while he was scared felt so good I could do it forever. But after a while reason came back and I realized he probably didn’t want a hug, he wanted to get down. I finally let him go and looked him in his eyes. He looked much calmer. Great, it worked! I showed him what to do so he could lower himself down. This time it seemed like he comprehended what I was saying. Finally he was ready. I told my belayer he should lower me down slowly so that I’m always close to Jay. When I said that, I noticed Jay smiled.

“Ok, you ready?” He smiled and nodded. When he got to the edge, he wanted to go back again. I stopped him. “No, don’t go back! Just stay here for a bit, don’t go lower, just breathe and get used to this. When you feel like you can, you can lower yourself even a bit more.” He was looking me straight in the eyes. It seemed like he was able to overcome the panic. He stayed at the same spot for a while, then lowered himself a tiny bit, stopped, took deep breaths, then lowered himself even a bit more. Eventually he got over the edge and had his feet against the rock. “Ok sweetie, now all you need to do is to slowly lower yourself down. No more surprises. You’ll be standing at the ground in no time!” I smiled at him. He smiled back and slowly went down.

Lowering myself down was still so scary, but not as scary as when somebody else was lowering me and I didn’t have the control. And she was here. Any time I started panicking I looked at her. She smiled at me encouragingly and I calmed down a bit.

Finally we got to the ground. Everybody seemed relieved. Mark seemed to be the most concerned. “You ok, bro? You scared me.” Jay managed to smile and nod, but you could see that he was pretty uncomfortable.

“Wow, that was pretty impressive how you got him down!” my belayer said. “Yeah, I figured it’d be easier for him to lower himself down.” “That’s true. But also how you were able to calm him down, good job!” “Thanks” I answered. “But where did he go?” I looked around but couldn’t find Jay. “He said he’d go grab a snack from his backpack.” Oh man, he must feel so bad. I knew he probably didn’t want to see anyone, so I should let him be for a minute, but I couldn’t help but worry.

*For the non-climbers: All you need to know is that climbing on a top rope is less scary and generally very much safe, while lead climbing might be more dangerous and is more scary.
**Belayer = the person on the ground holding the other end of your rope and making sure that if you fall, you donť fall to the ground

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Author: Leilana
Timestamp: Aug 29, 2020 at 1:06 PM
Content: Hi guys! I'm so sorry it took so long for me to continue this story, but there was a person in my life who kinda ruined it for me for a moment... Luckily I overcame that and finally finished the next chapter. It's short, but another part should come soon! Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 5: The moment he became my baby

At first I was going to let him be for a moment, but I had to know how he was doing. So after a short while I went searching for him. I found him not too far from us, packing his backpack.

After I finally got down I felt relieved, but shame kicked in soon after. I knew everybody saw my complete fail, and even though nobody said anything, I knew they thought I would just slow them down for the rest of the weekend. I really wanted to stay so I could be with her… But even she must have felt the same. The thought of her thinking that I was a burden almost killed me… But I had to do what was right. And then she came.

“Hi, how are you feeling? Is it better?” I smiled at him. “Yeah, it’s… I… I think I should go, so you guys can focus on climbing. I’d just slow you down.” My heart broke a little. Jay was going to leave. “You’re not slowing us down, you can stay if you want! But if you wanna go home… I get it.” I tried to hide how much I didn’t want him to go, but I’m pretty sure I failed. “But how are you gonna get home? You don’t have a car,” I realized and hoped that would maybe stop him from leaving. “I’ll take the train.” “But the train station is pretty far, it’ll take you at least an hour to get there.”

She was right. And I had a heavy backpack. How was I going to get home?

He finally looked me in the eyes and stopped packing. He was so sad. “Jay, sweetie, you don’t have to go.” I decided to just say out loud what I thought was actually bothering him. “No one is mad at you for taking a little longer to get down.” He looked like he was about to start crying. “I feel really embarrassed.” I couldn’t take it any longer. “Oh honey…” I went closer to him, held his hands and looked him in the eyes. “It’s ok. It’s normal to feel scared. Everybody from our group has at some point felt scared while climbing. And you don’t have to climb any more. You can just chat with us, enjoy the nature.” “Ok,” he almost whispered.

She didn’t tell me to go. She wanted me to stay. Now I wanted to cry for two reasons.

“Come here,” I said and gave him a big hug. Because I was standing and he was sitting on a rock, his head was at the level of my chest. He hugged me back and buried his face into me. I just held him, stroked his back and hair and moved lightly from side to side as if I was consoling a baby. I wasn’t sure because I couldn’t see his face but it seemed like he was crying a little bit. I felt bad that he felt so bad, but at the same time – even though it seemed very selfish of me – I felt incredibly good at that moment.

When she hugged me I was lost. I couldn’t control myself anymore. I was her baby and that was that. When I felt the urge to suck my thumb I didn’t even think about it and just put it in my mouth. And instead of laughing at me or making a mean comment, she just held me even tighter and kissed me in my hair. Everything felt so right.

After a while he turned his head to the side and put his thumb in his mouth. He started sucking it and I kept hugging and stroking him. If anyone saw this from the outside, they would probably think this is very weird… But in the moment, him sucking his thumb felt like the most natural thing. I felt overwhelmed with love for this adorable person. I didn’t realize it then, but looking back at it, this was the moment he truly became my baby and I his mommy.

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Author: Leilana
Timestamp: Aug 29, 2020 at 1:08 PM
Content:

Fiammaverde said:

A climbing teacher girl that loves cute littles is really a nice concept.

[End of quote]

Yep, that is pretty much me. And I'd love to hug you, my arms are very empty right now.

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Author: Leilana
Timestamp: Sep 12, 2020 at 2:47 PM
Content: Finally finished the next, very long chapter. Enjoy.

Chapter 6: Putting my baby to bed

Eventually I let him go, wiped his tears (turns out he did cry) and we went back to our group. When Mark saw us, he immediately went towards us and started making sure his friend was fine, which I thought was adorable. Jay still seemed a little shy and apologized for taking so long to get down, after which some of the guys told us stories about how they first tried climbing and were freaked out. That seemed to help him feel better and I felt very grateful that the guys were so empathetic and realized what Jay needed to hear.

We did offer Jay that he could try climbing again, but he didn’t feel like it. So he just chatted with whoever wasn’t climbing at a moment. Then we all ate lunch together and Jay seemed to be pretty tired afterwards. Poor thing, he’s been through a lot.

After all that stress and emotions and… well… crying… Getting my belly full meant I started feeling pretty tired. I wished I could take a nap, but didn’t know where. There was obviously no bed in the forest. Then I looked at mommy and realized all I wanted was for her to figure this out for me. So far she’s been taking such a good care of me and it felt so good… Maybe if I were cute enough, she’d take care of me again. But how? Maybe if I rubbed my eyes with my fists…

He was already cute enough while yawning, but when he started rubbing his eyes he looked so adorable I thought all the motherly feelings were going to burst out of my chest. I didn’t wanna embarrass him in front of other people by babying him, but I also had to do something.

“Honey, are you tired?” He nodded. “Awww, well do you want to take a nap?” He nodded again. “I brought a hammock, how about we set it up and you can lay in it?” “Yes, please,” he smiled at me. I just wanted to squeeze him really hard. Instead I swallowed another “awwwww” and started setting up my hammock.

He then laid down in it and I rocked him for a while. He looked me in the eyes and smiled, then slowly closed them. He looked so peaceful and vulnerable and adorable… At some point I had to stop rocking him and go climb or else it would look really weird to others, but I had a very hard time walking away and kept looking at him to check on him every few minutes.

It was so nice when mommy put me to sleep… It took all my power not to put my thumb in my mouth again, because I felt so little. Despite that, I felt safe and secure and fell asleep so quickly I barely even got to enjoy the beautiful moment.

After his nap Jay joined us and we kept chatting and climbing for the rest of the day. I was trying not to act too weird towards Jay, but I also just had to keep an eye on him at all times to make sure my baby was fine.

In the evening we picked a spot where we were going to sleep. Everybody started cooking their dinner, but Jay didn’t bring any camping gear to cook outside, so he could only have something cold. But since I was already so overly protective of him, I couldn’t allow that, so I told him I’d make dinner for the both of us. He tried to protest, but I insisted and he just answered with his shy “Thank you.”

After dinner was finished, I was very tempted to feed Jay instead of giving him his own bowl, so I kept all the food in one bowl, hoping I’d get away with it. Luckily for me Jay did not seem to mind at all. In turns I kept spoon feeding myself and then him. I clearly made too big of a portion though, because I was already getting very full and there was still a lot left. “Does anybody want to try this?” I asked the rest of the group. They all agreed. I started with Mark and wanted to give him the whole bowl so he could feed himself, but he just opened his mouth and didn’t reach for the bowl at all. “Oh, do you want me to feed you?” He smiled and nodded. “Awww, ok. Open up!” After that all the other guys wanted to be spoon fed as well so I just kept feeding everybody in turns. Not only was it adorable, but it also made my taking care of Jay more of a game and less weird. Eventually they all said they had enough, so I just handed the bowl with a little bit of food left to Jay, so he could finish it and have his belly nice and full.

When mommy said she would cook for me it made me feel helpless, but in a good way. I was little and she was going to take care of me. I was kind of hoping she would feed me as well. And then she did! I felt even more little, if that’s even possible. I was getting pretty full and enjoying this massively, but then she started feeding others. I knew rationally that that was totally ok, but I was too deep in feeling little and I couldn’t help but feel jealous. I wanted to be mommy’s only baby! And then she handed me the rest of the food and didn’t even feed me anymore. I was really tempted to throw the whole bowl to the ground and tell her to feed me, but there was still enough reason in me to stop me from doing that. Still, it took a lot to not make a frowny face.

After dinner we cleaned up and then sat in a circle and chatted. Jay was getting very tired and eventually asked me if he could lay down and put his head on my leg. Of course I agreed. He put his head in my lap and I started stroking his hair. “Hey, I want to get a head massage too!” Tom said in a childish voice. “Awww, ok, come here sweetie, you can put your head on my other leg. I have two hands, I can massage you both.” Tom rested his head on my other leg and now I had two babies in my lap. It felt so nice. I was soaking up that moment as much as I could.

Can I really not get mommy to myself for at least a moment?? Well… I guess at least I don’t seem so weird. But still!

I kind of wished this moment would last forever, but eventually everybody wanted to go to sleep, so I had to let my “babies” get off my lap. I think Jay probably dozed off a little, because now he seemed very tired and kind of confused as if he just woke up. I told him he should prepare his sleeping bag so we could all go to sleep but he just kept sitting there, tired and cute. I decided to take charge.

“Sweetie, where’s your sleeping bag and mat? I’ll prepare your bed tonight, ok?” I stroked his hair. He nodded and pointed in the direction where he left his stuff. I got everything ready for him and told him he could go lay down. He sat on his sleeping bag with all his clothes and shoes on. “Honey, you can’t go to bed dressed like this.”

Mommy, please help undress me, please mommy, I’m so tired…

He looked at me with his big, tired eyes. “Oh, sweetie, you are so tired, huh? There, I’ll help you.” I knew we must have looked ridiculous to the others but I couldn’t stop myself. I helped him get out of his shoes, sweatshirt and pants and zipped him in his sleeping bag. “Oh, mister Bunny!” I remembered. “Did you bring him?”

I was so deep into little space I knew if I said even one word, I’d say it in my little voice. There was no controlling that any more. So I just wanted to avoid saying anything.

He nodded and pointed somewhere, but it was dark and I couldn’t see what he was pointing at. “Where is it, baby?” “My… backpack,” he whispered in the cutest voice I’ve ever heard. For a second I just stared him in the eyes, completely enchanted by him. Then I quickly brought his backpack, found his plushie and gave it to him so that no one could see. He wrapped his arms around it tight and whispered another one of his adorable ‘Thank you’s. I kissed his forehead and stroked his hair and just kept looking at him, feeling filled with all the love I could possibly feel.

“I want a good night kiss, too!” Tom protested in his sleeping bag. I went to him, kissed his forehead too and zipped him all the way, then did the same to Mark after he said “Now me!” I was really glad the guys took it as a joke instead of asking us what the hell we were doing. Eventually even I got to lie down in my sleeping bag. But I didn’t get much sleep that night. There was just too much happening in me. And also I felt the inexplicable need to make sure Jay was ok and safe. Because I was laying next to him, any time I woke up from my light sleep I saw his face. His adorable sleeping face.