Matching Mary - Fantasies -- (Author) babyann

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Author: babyann
Timestamp: Jul 24, 2021 at 4:29 PM
Content: Fantasy 1

This is purely fantasy, from my experiences. It did NOT happen…or it only happened in my mind, and has been happening in my mind ever since, as it is a fantasy that I keep replaying over and over. Please skip this if you are likely to be offended in sexual pleasures or similar.

On purpose I decided to separate these from the story about Mary and Suzanne, because I didn’t want to cheapen their memories. But, in some ways they need to be included, from my perspective as they were what was going on in my head at the time, so there are connections to reality.

I am torn in so many ways, and with what subsequently happened that I was not more open with my feelings at that time. Please try to remember this happened in the mind of a very naive, young girl (I was 18, at the time, but emotionally, I was probably much, much younger). I had never been shown any love or affection at all in my life at that time. That is given as a description, and not as an attempt for people to feel sorry for me. To me, at that time, I thought, probably like every other 18 year old that has ever lived, that my experience was normal, and anything that deviated from my own experience was the oddity. I knew I was ‘different’, and I had witnessed love and affection to others, but they must have been the lucky few. Not only were my family treated as outcasts (Afrikaner, white communities at that time in South Africa took a dim view of single mothers, of alcoholics - which my biological mother certainly was, and even disabilities), but I was further outcast by my immediate family, and also the kids at school and in the neighbourhood.

I need to explain more about some of my disabilities too. I was born with Cerebral Palsy. This means, for me (and I have learned that everyone has different levels and experiences of CP; it appears to cover a broad spectrum), that I have poor coordination and used to suffer from bad muscle spasms. I had several operations as a child to try to mitigate some of this by having spinal fusions, which thankfully they no longer appear to do to young children with CP. All that meant that I inevitably missed a lot of school, and that left me quite ostracised from other children of my age. I do have two older brothers, but they are much older, and had escaped from the house by the time I can remember. Apparently, I also had reflux as a child, which could have also had some cause to some of the different issues I face now.

Being told constantly that I was a mistake, that I was to blame for my own disabilities, that I was to blame for my biological father leaving, that I was to blame for not being able to keep up at school, that I was to blame for having no friends had an effect. I believed all that. It went further, I actually believed I was ‘poison’ up until quite recently in my life. I honestly believed that somehow I was the root cause of everyone’s problems. I know now it is completely illogical, but it was a core part of who I was, and I have only recently been able to address that really malignant belief with some great therapy, and a lot of love and affirmation from my present partner, my Mommy.

But I wouldn’t have said then that I was an unhappy kid. I was quiet, and withdrawn, but I could lose myself in books, and still can. From that I developed a very fertile imagination. I have fantasies about how I would escape and run off into the mountains to live with the animals. Or it is miraculously found out that I am actually the only living heir to the Tsars of Russia. Strange things still go on in my mind!

So suddenly being immersed into this wonderful loving, affectionate environment, where other people were actually concerned for my well-being was alien to me. It was wonderful, and very, very special to me. We seemed, at least for a while, to be an oasis of pure love in a scary world. I suppose then that all those elements pushed my fantasies into overdrive.

I need to also explain that I was a virgin in every sense. I had certainly no experience of penetrative sex, I don’t think I had ever even formed any sort of sexual crush on anyone else at that stage. Certainly no one, of either gender, had ever been attracted to me. But my naivety went even further than this…. I had never masturbated, and to touch myself anywhere ‘down there’ was in some way ‘dirty’. Yes, I had heard different stories from different kids at school, but quite honestly, looking back, I doubt even a fraction of what was described ever happened or ever could happen. My disabilities, coupled with a poor diet probably were factors in me reaching puberty much later than anyone else at school. In fact, I have never had regular periods, and they even stopped altogether for a time when I later battled with anorexia and a drug habit. My first period was incredibly shocking as I honestly thought I was dying; no one had ever told me what to expect, and I had no one I could turn to to ask.

So this was my emotional and physical state when I arrived with Suzanne and Mary. I very quickly formed incredibly strong emotional bonds to both of them. I was like a dry sponge, that had never been exposed to water. So when I was shown some love and affection, I soaked it up. I would have gladly died for either one of them, and I quickly became completely devoted to them both. This is a pattern that has repeated over and over in my life; if I am in a relationship (which doesn’t happen too often as i am intensely shy and introverted, and for years I would actively push people away).

This fantasy started when I was being bottle fed formula to try to get some nutrition into me after the series of operations on my wrists. I was in a pretty infantile condition both physically and mentally. Having both arms in casts from hand to elbow meant I could do nothing for myself, and had to rely on Suzanne for everything. For a person who had not experienced much close contact with another human it sent my senses through the roof, I guess. She placed every mouthful of food into my mouth. She wiped my bottom when I went to the toilet, she dressed me, and undressed me. She even cleaned my teeth! I loved every second of being her centre of attention. I had to share this attention with Mary, but I never felt jealous in any way to Mary, but would happily just wait my turn.

But the evenings were the best time, when we could snuggle up together on the sofa, Suzanne with her gin and tonic and me being fed my baby bottle of formula. So here was the fantasy…

When I arrived to live with Suzanne and Mary, Suzanne was still breast feeding Mary. This was disturbingly exciting for me, as I had never witnessed this closely. Of course I knew it happened, although I could never imagine nursing my own baby looking at my own flat chest. But Suzanne had beautiful breasts. They were large, but they did not sag, even when emptied after feeding. I would sit watching the spectacle of her gently feeding Mary in her arms with growing excitement. Seeing Mary’s mouth latch onto the nipple and imagining how it must feel to obtain milk from such a beautiful source. To me, it was, and still is, one of the most enthralling sights, to see a mother lovingly cradle her child while giving it sustenance.

I worked up the courage to ask Suzanne how it felt to have fluids drained from her body like that. She explained that breast feeding was quite the most wonderful feeling that any mother could have. She explained that it helped strengthen the bond between them. She also said that aside from the maternal pleasure of feeding her baby, there was also a physical pleasure, which could at times verge almost into a sexual pleasure. That came from releasing the ever increasing pressure she would feel in her breasts. The sexual pleasure was almost a side issue, which she would have to ignore as it would be an inappropriate feeling to have with a child in her arms. I became more and more fascinated, and marvelled at my own feelings when I tried to fondle my own tiny breasts trying to massage them into something, anything bigger. But the only bit that would grow would be my nipples which would also grow whenever I watched Suzanne feed Mary.

The opportunity soon came, when Mary was slowly weaning herself off breast feeding. The more she ate in her evening meal, the less she was able to take from Suzanne, so I began to try to encourage Mary to eat more and more in the evenings. Suzanne quickly became more and more uncomfortable after the evening feeding had finished and she began to excuse herself to express the remaining milk, which she said was difficult, but she had to do so to avoid getting an infection called mastitis. I explained that as she fed Mary in the living room, that she may as well express the extra milk there, in comfort and warmth rather than her bathroom. So she began to bring her breast pump into the living room, and this was a whole new level of excitement for me. Suzanne showed me how she would press the plastic cup against her breast, and the nipple would be sucked with suction, to express the milk which was then caught in a small container held under the cup. She explained that if she needed to, she could freeze the milk, but that there was no need, as Mary was getting enough sustenance already. I would offer to take all the pumps and containers away to clean them all through, and of course, I wanted to taste some of her milk too. It tasted wonderful! Like slightly watered down, but sweetened cow’s milk. Sipping it from the containers was wonderful, I knew it was wrong, but the excitement was too much. And I really wanted to try it directly from Suzanne’s breast, to be breast fed like a baby.

One evening, Suzanne was complaining that she could not get a proper seal using the machine, and was clearly in some discomfort from the pressure in her breasts. I immediately jumped at the opportunity and offered to help. Suzanne accepted and sat back with both her full breasts exposed as she passed me the pump, cup and attached container. I sat down next to her, and with slightly shaking hands offered the plastic cup to her breast. I brought my face in very close so I could see the nipple being pulled by the pressure of the vacuum into the little space, and a few drops of mild drop from her breast, but even so, Suzanne was still not comfortable, she suggested that perhaps something was faulty with the pump as it wasn’t sucking hard enough for her to release the milk. I brought the cup away to try to fit it again, but Suzanne massaged her breast, squeezing it toward her nipple, which resulted in a spray of mild shooting out and hitting me in the face, and mouth.

“Oops! I didn’t mean to do that!, Sorry about that Ann” she apologised, smiling “here wipe it off” she continued passing me a small cloth. But some had already gone into my mouth, and I added to that by wiping my fingers across my face and then sucking my fingers.

“That isn’t a problem, and anyway I like milk, and yours tastes better” I replied, making light of it, but looking for a reaction in her eyes. The reaction was there, so I followed up with the suggestion that I had wanted to make ever since the very first time I had watched her feed Mary, “if the pump is faulty, then could I help you by drinking the excess? Surely that would be better, and more natural for you anyway?”

Her eyes narrowed slightly as she contemplated my offer, and the potential insinuation behind it. She bit her bottom lip in apprehension, before concluding, “oh, why not, it is just you and me here anyway, no one need know, and I need to get rid of this milk and this pressure somehow.” With that I put the pump and paraphernalia onto the side table and between us we re-arranged ourselves so I was lying on her lap, gauzing up at her face and her two gorgeous breasts. The nipples on her breasts were clearly quite engorged, and my own nipples pushed up against my blouse in anticipation.

“Are you sure you want to do this Ann?” Suzanne gently asked, taking my nod as a positive. She placed one arm around my cradling my head and shoulders while the other went to her breast, two fingers either side of her nipple, as she raised my head and eager mouth up to latch on to her nipple. The nipple hit my tongue and my lips made contact with her warm flesh. I allowed my natural reflex to suckle, to shape and caress her nipple with my tongue while curing with my mouth, and was immediately rewarded with a gush of warm, sweet milk into my mouth. I heard Suzanne gasp, but my eyes were closed in almost complete pleasure. I felt the warmth and security of her body and her arm around me, as her life affording milk flowed into my tummy. Her hand went to stroking my head and my hair, as she began to talk gently to me.

<Temporarily edited due to content>. --kerry

We re-arranged our clothing and lay together basking in the dwindling sunset of our pleasure. Our bodies slowly descending back to their earthly statuses but knowing, with pleasure in our minds, that nothing would be quite the same anymore. We had crossed over from loving each other to being each other’s lover. It was a nice place to be, it was where I wanted to be…

Again, apologies to anyone that this might offend. But I suppose if you have made it this far and are still offended, then more fool you; you were warned!

I had written this as part of the ‘Matching Mary’ story initially, but I decided to lift it out as a separate story. There are a couple more that I might also share depending on the reaction here.

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Author: babyann
Timestamp: Jul 26, 2021 at 8:18 AM
Content: i need to apologise to you Kerry and also the wider site and the staff that run adisc.org. I apologise for disobeying clear rules, and I promise I shall do my best to make sure it never happens again. Thank you Kerry, for your gentle response, in how you have dealt with this. I will fix it all at a later date, I am about to try to finish off the main story, and I don’t want anything to detract from that. 1!!